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Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 14, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the fourteenth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * AP - Andy Parsons * KR - Katherine Ryan * MF - Matt Forde * JA - James Acaster * JW - Josh Widdicombe Topics Commercials That Never Made It To Air HD - Fungal foot problem? Ugh. AP - Have you been injured in an accident that wasn't your fault? Of course you have, because that is a definition of an accident. KR - FIFA Summer sofa sale! Total office clearout! Bribe now, pay later! JW - Andrex: 'Cause who wouldn't wipe their arse with a puppy? HD - Carlsberg don't do your girlfriend. But I have. (winks) JA - WADAAAAA!!! Yea, mate. I got some bad news about your dad... KR - Why pay more for ratchet triffling-assed pilots, when you can get where you're going on easyJet? A basic bitch will get you there. HD - We call it a Happy Meal. The cow we killed wasn't too chuffed, though. AP - Waitrose: 2 for the price of 3. MF - We had debts all over the place, but Wonga took all those debts and put them into one simple loan. They also took our house. JW - Do your vet's bills get on top of you? Then why not try Dognatas? JA - Wanna save money on biscuits? Easy, give blood. AP - From Laboratoires Garnier Paris, because if we said it was “From Munich Bayern Verleuten Industrial Estate”, you wouldn’t buy it, would you? JW - Struggling to sleep? Then why not try 10 cans of Stella? AP - Did you mistake your girlfriend for a burglar on Valentine's Day? Then you need to go to Specsavers. HD - I can't breathe! I can't breathe! The Lynx Effect. JA - That one's accent is a bit more racist than that one's accent. There you go. I just compared the meerkats. Lines You Wouldn't Hear In A Sci-Fi Movie JW - Hi, is that NHS direct? Yeah, I've a bit of temperature, and I've got an alien coming out of my stomach. Two paracetamol, okay. HD - Ok, Mr Sulu, set course for the fourth quadrant of the Orion Nebula. I think there's a Nando's there. MF - We're sorry to announce that there is a replacement beam down service this weekend, between the ship and Planet Splooge. JA - You've got to imagine this in Scottish accent. "This is our Independence Day!" There you go. AP - They've abducted us, and took us to their spacecraft, and explored our bodies with strange probes. I'd be honest it was the best stag night I've ever been on. KR - This man can now reach the full potential of his mind. Joey, Joey, wake up, wake up! You can tie your shoes. Ream. AP - What the people don't know, Captain Kirk, is when I do that V thing, that means in Vulcan "I've had your mum." HD - I think this time tunnel is broken. We've gone a thousand years into the future and Bruce Forsyth is still working! JW - If you take the red pill, you will enter the Matrix. If you take the blue pill, you'll have a boner for 7 hours. JA - This is it. The machines have taken over. #Apocalypse MF - Yeah. Better look at it, mate. The problem is your nano booster is shot and your warp drive is fucked. HD - Our planet is dying. We seek a new home. Which of you is Phil and which of you is Kirstie? KR - (exhausted) The dinosaurs are killing everyone. Why do we keep reopening this park? Who keeps giving us public liability insurance? JW - So the plan is, you get into the time machine, go back in time, and cock block Hitler's dad. JA - Phone home. "Phoning Joan". No, phone home. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See